Being Feisty & Brown
It's time to start taking back ownership of labels that others have used to belittle you. Indira Das-Gupta talks about being brown, feisty and owning every inch of it.
By Indira Das-Gupta
Be honest, are you intimidated by strong women of colour? As a mixed-race woman, the phrase 'women of colour' makes me cringe a bit. It’s such a catch-all term covering such a huge range of people that it could only ever be inadequate. The abbreviation BAME makes us sound like a government department or a virus, and to describe ourselves as non-white women is even worse. I don’t want to define myself by what I’m not. So let’s stick with women of colour.
Yes we can be a feisty lot alright, aggressive even, it’s like we’ve got a massive chip on our shoulders! Why can’t we just calm down and be, well a bit less like hard work?
“Have you ever stopped to wonder why us women of colour might possibly be on the assertive side?”
Where do I even begin with this lazy and racist assumption? Let’s start with the obvious: the colour of my skin doesn’t dictate my personality. Maybe you have come across a woman of colour who seemed to have an attitude, but guess what, we’re not all the same. As it goes, I’m definitely on the feisty spectrum, some might say I rank quite high on that spectrum in fact, but I have black, Asian and mixed-race female friends who are no more feisty than some of my white girlfriends. Imagine that!
If you are a man or white or both, have you ever stopped to wonder why us women of colour might possibly be on the assertive side? Black men have to deal with racism on a daily basis but women of colour are dealing with racism AND sexism. In this situation your obvious options are: try and be a bit more like the people in charge would like you to be, whilst knowing that you will never be good enough because of your differences, or stand up for yourself. If we don’t stand up for ourselves, who will?
Back in the early noughties when I was a news reporter for The London Evening Standard I definitely had a reputation for being feisty. I started as a graduate trainee and stuck out like a sore thumb for so many reasons. The vast majority of my colleagues were white, male, older and posher than me. In truth I felt intimidated, out of my depth and just desperately wanted to prove that I deserved to be there. I was a good reporter and worked hard but it often felt like I wasn’t being given as many chances as other reporters. So I worked even harder and tried to bring in my own stories, something many junior reporters didn’t even bother to do because they were just handed great stories on a plate. I had to assert myself so I wouldn’t be overlooked and I wouldn’t just let the odd casually racist comment go either.
“He found me 'absolutely terrifying'. I remember being completely mystified at this. Me, terrifying?”
One of the reporters I worked with at the time confided in a friend of mine that he found me 'absolutely terrifying'. I remember being completely mystified at this. Me, terrifying? Why? I had barely exchanged two words with this guy. Another seasoned reporter called me a 'feisty girl'. He didn’t mean it as a compliment.
At another publication where I was the senior reporter, the editor was always very happy with the quality of my work but thought I had an 'attitude'. Why? Because I dared to stand up to him once and told him when I didn’t think a story he had asked me to write would work.
What exactly does feisty mean? It can be used to describe someone who is touchy or quarrelsome, but it can also mean 'showing courage or determination'. If a man is determined or courageous, this is celebrated and he is praised for it. But if a woman, particularly a woman of colour, demonstrates the same characteristics, she’s difficult, argumentative or aggressive. For many years I told myself that the reason things didn’t work out for me as a journalist was because I wasn’t very good at office politics, that I was too abrasive, yes, in a nutshell, just too feisty for my own good. Basically I blamed myself. I even tried to actively tone down the more fiery aspects of my personality.
But after talking to women like myself, it’s like the scales finally dropped from my eyes. I have no doubt that if I were a man I would have achieved much more in that world, and if I were a white man the sky would have been the limit. There would have been no glass ceiling, no class ceiling and no white ceiling.
So if I’m too feisty for you, I make no apologies, this is who I am and I will not make myself smaller or less than I am just to make you feel more comfortable. I will not 'know my place' or hide away. I’m a feisty, mixed-race woman and proud of it.
So if you take one thing from this: own your feistiness. Celebrate all of you, and don’t let others’ insecurities cast a shadow on who you are.
INDIRa DaS-GUPTa
In a former life, Indira was a journalist for The London Evening Standard and a number of national newspapers and magazines. She is passionate about exposing inequalities and injustices through her writing. As well as yoga and writing she loves travelling, discovering new places, the beach, reading and going for long walks.
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