One Breath Away From Calm
When you lose a parent or loved one to illness, how do you pick up the pieces? Anna Kichenside shares two things that have kept her grounded through the toughest of times.
By Anna Kichenside
Hi, I’m Anna. I want to ask you if you are aware of your breath. I mean, really aware. Aware of how your ribs expand as you inhale and inflate the lungs. Aware of how your ribs sink as you exhale. Aware of your shoulders as you inhale – do they rise up? Aware of your shoulders as you exhale – do they round and collapse forward? Aware of your spine as you inhale – do you lift up creating more space? Aware of your spine as you exhale – do you crumble forward letting your body hang off its bones.
The breath, in my eyes, is our ‘reset button’. Whenever I’m challenged with negative things, where normally I’d react on impulse (you know, the type of moment such as when you’ve received an angry work email, or had arguments with friends or loved ones - anything that challenges your confidence), I take a moment, step-back, and take 5 deep breaths to reset. This has helped massively when in any negative situation and allows my mind time to gather thoughts and face the challenge from a different perspective.
“I remember having a conversation with my sister about the diagnosis and remember how quickly my thoughts are connected to my body and how these thoughts sent my body into breakdown mode.”
I also connect my breath to my ‘why’. Do you know what your why is? Your why is your connection to life. It’s your driving force. For me, as a yoga teacher, my why is to be ‘strong and confident on and off the mat.’ Strong and confident with kicking up into handstands….but more so strong and confident with life off the mat. Life is the biggest challenge. Having strength and confidence in my life decisions, going against the grain and breaking the norm, connecting to my breath to guide me.
Through a very challenging year last year, I learnt just how powerful our breath was and how it guides you in moments of devastation. Taking a deep inhale as I write this (my ribcage expanded, shoulders kept low, my eyes becoming slightly watery with the start of a tear) I lost my mum to cancer very suddenly. Exhale. Reset. Last year, my family was suddenly thrown into a world of cancer, chemotherapy, a cocktail of drugs and treatments, all in the space of 5 months before we lost my most amazing mum.
“We managed to work on calming down her breathing whilst listening to relaxing music, holding hands. It brought us much closer together in her final months”
I remember having a conversation with my sister about the diagnosis and remember how quickly my thoughts are connected to my body and how these thoughts sent my body into breakdown mode. All in a space of a couple of minutes. I had to gain control of my mind and body. I did this with breathing. I focused on my breathing and stepped back allowing my breath to do all the work, calming my heart-rate down, cooling my skin down, relaxing my stomach from doing any more knots, and more importantly feeling calmer.
My mum had lung cancer, so was hard to ask her to focus on her lungs and breathing. But I look back and cherish the long hard days, nights and chemotherapy sessions where mum was panicked, in pain physically and emotionally, a broken shell of the person she once was. Together, we managed to work on calming down her breathing whilst listening to relaxing music, holding hands. It brought us much closer together in her final months, so I love how yoga bought me to my breath and my breath bought me closer to my mum. And for that, I’m truly grateful.
How would she feel about me writing and sharing this with you, I don’t know. And to be honest, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to or could share it with you – the world – a bunch of strangers. But if I can help show how your connection to your ‘why’ and your breath can help you, then I think my mum would be proud.
Losing a loved one, especially your mum, is the single hardest thing ever to go through. But my awareness of my breath helped me control my emotional state over something I had no control over. And my ‘why’ helped me stay strong.
If you are going through troubled times, I would encourage these 5 simple steps to ground yourself and reset:
Step 1 - Ground down through your feet (if standing) or bottom (if seated)
Step 2 - Roll your shoulders back and lengthen through your spine
Step 3 - Take 5 deep breaths with full awareness
Step 4 - Reset
Step 5 - Re-approach whatever difficulty you are facing - notice if your perspective has shifted.
Together, let’s inhale, exhale, repeat, reset.
Ann
A kichenside
Over the years, Anna has come to understand how important our breath helps us control our thoughts, and in turn our bodies, which she learnt the hard way through a devastating loss. Anna uses her breath to reset.
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