Can You Be Alone?
Are we afraid to spend time alone? A big question we ask ourselves, particularly now that most of us have no choice but to isolate due to the pandemic. But how can we shift our perspective and see alone time as something to cherish?
by Michael James Wong
A lot of times, we hear the word ‘alone’ or being alone and we attach negative connotations to it. These connotations range from feeling unwanted, being disconnected, missing out on moments, events, experiences, opportunities.
So if all of this were true, what would be the point, or the value, of spending time alone?
Can it support and fulfil us?
I think it can. In fact, I believe it’s hugely important to our everyday wellbeing.
We spend so much of our time being dictated by social stimulation, in proximity to so many different people and voices. This is great, and powerful, but we need to balance out the socialising with solitude.
Choosing to step away from the hubbub, even if just for 5 or 10 minutes, can be so beneficial. It can give us the chance to breathe again, both literally and figuratively. Being able to de-stimulate ourselves, digest the interactions we’ve had that day so far, and reflect on things is a wonderful opportunity for us to recognise how we show up in the world. It’s also a moment for us to understand how the world around us is impacting us physically, energetically, mentally and emotionally, and from that recognition we can start to optimise the way we live.
I get it though - consciously spending time alone can feel daunting and uncomfortable, especially if you’re so used to being around people all the time.
Here are 5 things to remember about spending time alone that will hopefully empower you to do more of it.
1. It’s not about missing out, but about tuning in
A lot of us tend to experience FOMO, or the fear of missing out, particularly when we are alone and we see on social media that our friends are out and about doing stuff. However, I think it’s important that we shift our mindset over being alone from feeling like we’re lacking to feeling like we are building abundance in our life. Solitude is an opportunity to tune into what our bodies and minds need, and start to prioritise our health a bit more.
Take our energy levels, for example - sometimes when we’re so caught up in the rat race of life and the need to be seen, heard and connected, we can overlook how tired we are. Ultimately, we can only give so much to other people before our proverbial cups are bone dry and there’s nothing left in the tank. So taking some time away from it all can help us fill up and fuel up.
“we can only give so much to other people before our proverbial cups are bone dry and there’s nothing left in the tank.”
2. It’s space to discover your creativity and joy
Oftentimes when we’re too preoccupied with connecting with others and being in the mix of it all, we don’t take time to discover our own creativity and our own joy. In moments where we are alone, however, we can pay attention to these things. Lean into more of the right-brain stuff (tends to be your creative side), and see what happens. Read, write, draw, bake, play, whatever allows you to spark the creative flame within you.
When we have time to ourselves, it’s nice to dive into those books you’ve been meaning to read for a while. It’s an opportunity to turn the volume down and quietly find joy.
3. It’s a moment to just be
When we are alone, we don’t have to answer or be a certain way for others. Sometimes we need to just be - no need to do, act or achieve, just allow things to be as they are. Alone time is a great opportunity to switch off our phones and just sit in stillness and quietness.
Claudia Hammond, award-winning, writer broadcaster and advocate for mental health, wrote in her book The Art of Rest “ to feel truly rested we need to get away from other people, to escape their chatter, and hopefully the chatter of our own minds too.”
4. Disengaging helps us to re-engage
Giving yourself time to disengage may actually help you to engage better when you come back to the mix. Showing up for yourself before showing up for others is important, in my opinion, and this requires spending time alone.
Think about those times where your computer or phone starts to freak out and stops working the way you need it to. It’s funny and so simple (maybe too simple for us to deem it valid!), but switching it on and off often does the trick. I see ourselves in a very similar way - taking time to switch off and turn down the volume can help us to function better when we connect back into everything.
Psychologists Christopher Long and James Averill found in their study on solitude that consciously spending some time alone helps us remember that we have meaningful connections with other people, and therefore it helps to prevent us from slipping into loneliness.
Think of alone time as pressing the reset button. Disconnect to reconnect.
5. The more you practice it, the more comfortable it’ll become
When we’ve grown accustomed to always being around people and external stimulation, time alone can be rather terrifying and uncomfortable. I used to feel this way, and I felt like if I ever went out for lunch by myself, for example, people would think I had no friends or that I was weird somehow.
This is really not true - in fact, there’s a great sense of empowerment that comes with time alone.
So why not put this in practice? Take an activity, like lunch or your afternoon coffee for example, and do it by yourself. Be your own company, and see what happens.
MICH
aEL j
ames wong
Michael is a community activist, writer, educator and meditation teacher, he is regarded as a leading voice in the global movement for modern mindfulness. Born in Wellington, New Zealand, raised in Los Angeles, California and is now living in London, his greatest joy in life is building and celebrating strong and meaningful communities. Michael is also the Founder of Just Breathe.
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