Feeling Uncomfortable?

When you feel uncomfortable is your immediate reaction to run away? Behavioural Change Specialist Shahroo Izadi tells us more about practicing impulse control, and embracing the unknown.

By Shahroo Izadi

During periods of challenge, some coping strategies may be on higher rotation than others as you move through a challenge. This is totally natural - even if they’ve been things you’ve managed to get under control previously.

Sometimes we give our coping strategies too much credit, and we could leave it a bit longer before we reach for them. So the first thing is to notice if you’re reaching for anything more frequently, and put a space between a craving and an action where you can, regardless of what it is.

The urge will pass.

You do have the ability to self regulate but when everything is so busy and close at hand, we forget to give ourselves a chance to prove that some of the things we think we need we don’t, and that we otherwise would’ve gone on to be ok and watch it pass. 

Self regulation is important to prove to ourselves regularly regardless of what's going on around us or what the habit is. If you get stressed and you absolutely have to get into a bath within 3 minutes, well that’s also an exercise in impulse control you may want to try! There’s also fantastic insight in the space - if you’re finding it difficult to change, and you don’t know why, voluntarily sit in that discomfort of wanting to do something and not letting yourself. Even if it’s for five minutes, this practice can flood your mind with all the reasons you’re finding it difficult to change because all of the excuses and justifications will give you insight into why you’re finding it hard to change. The discomfort can actually be really useful!

And then you can think about how you want to feel at the end of the challenge. Whatever the outcome is, how can you best embrace it?

You might say “I want to feel as calm and as physically and mentally strong as I possibly can.” Start with how you want to feel at the end, and then work backwards from there. Throughout the day, whenever you’re making a choice - whether its a choice to light a candle, or drink a glass of water, or get that piece of work out of the way so you're not worrying about it later - think to yourself: does this choice move me closer or further away from feeling calm and strong when this challenge passes. 

You can do this across the board and you’ll be amazed at how many different habits come into it. Rather than specifying goals, it can help to think across the day, just for today: I'm going to treat myself as I would want the person I love most to treat themselves. We have a tendency to be loving and kind to those we support but when it comes to ourselves we forget in a moment. Know that the thing that would make those we love happiest would be caring for ourselves, and vice versa. So practice self regulation, sit with the discomfort, consider how you want to feel at the end and how you can embrace any outcome, and be loving and kind to yourself. 

Want to hear more?

This interview is an excerpt from our Podcast the quiet life, to listen to the full episode click the link below.

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